How the Covid-19 Pandemic Made My Emetophobia…Better?

As an emetophobe and germaphobe, the last few years weren’t exactly easy. The COVID-19 pandemic was a whirlwind of triggers for those of us who fear sickness. Yet, surprisingly, it didn’t worsen my emetophobia as much as you might expect. Here’s why, and how I managed to navigate this turbulent time with my anxieties mostly in check. How the Covid-19 Pandemic Made My Emetophobia…Better?

My Pre-Pandemic Baseline

It’s important to understand that I was already managing intense emetophobia before the pandemic hit. Handwashing, avoiding sick people, and constantly checking for any sign of nausea were my norm. COVID-19 didn’t introduce these fears; it simply dialed them up.

Hygienic Habits Became the Norm

Suddenly, everyone was doing what I’d been doing for years! When Covid hit the world was catching up with me! Frequent hand washing? Check. Vigilant sanitizing? Check. Social distancing? I was a reluctant pro at that. Initially, this felt oddly validating. My once-extreme precautions were now societal guidelines.

Hyperawareness – Good and Bad

While the heightened awareness of germs amplified my emetophobia-based worry, there was a curious upside. Knowing protocols were in place in shops, workplaces, and public spaces reduced some anxiety about random contamination. The knowledge that others were hyperaware of hygiene was oddly comforting.

Fears Shifted, but Didn’t Increase

The primary fear was less about myself getting sick and more about spreading COVID-19 to vulnerable loved ones especially my mother and grandparents. This shift in focus was difficult but had a curious side effect: my “self-centered” emetophobia worry temporarily lessened. The fear of harming others through my own potential illness significantly overshadowed my usual inward fixations.

The Control Paradox

With so much out of my control on a global scale, I clung fiercely to what I could control. My diet became extremely clean, my exercise routine ramped up, and any small bodily twinge was monitored with laser focus. This obsession with “health” gave me a warped sense of control in an otherwise chaotic time.

Social Isolation: A Double-Edged Sword

Avoiding gatherings out of health and safety concerns fit tragically well with my emetophobia-driven tendencies. Initially, I coped well with lockdown (for sure the privilege of isolating with my family in our home in southern France helped, it would’ve been different if I stayed trapped in my cramped London apartment. Yet, the isolation took its toll in subtle ways. Perhaps the hardest part came when things reopened. After two years protected from crowds, how would my immune system respond to the outside world again, with all its potential triggers…

Looking Ahead

While COVID-19 didn’t increase my emetophobia severity, it reinforced unhealthy patterns and left me battling pandemic-related anxiety alongside my phobia. The work of recovery continues, but I emerged slightly stronger and with a deeper understanding of myself.

Emetophobia makes an already challenging world uniquely difficult. While the pandemic was a catalyst for anxiety, it also showed me an unexpected level of resilience and fueled my determination to continue seeking healing.

Why It Didn’t Break Me

1. Pre-Existing Coping Skills: I wasn’t starting from zero. Years of therapy had armed me with tools to challenge anxious thoughts, practice mindfulness, and redirect my focus.
2. Necessity Breeds Action: The urgency of the situation forced me out of my usual avoidance patterns. I grocery shopped carefully, I interacted with masked humans, and I learned to tolerate extreme uncertainty.
3. Unexpected Compassion: Witnessing global suffering put my own anxieties in perspective. Feeling part of a collective struggle against a shared enemy was strangely empowering.

Lessons Learned

• Progress Isn’t Linear: Just when I thought I was managing, a news headline or a bodily twinge would send me spiraling. Recovery from emetophobia is a messy process.
• Hyperfocus Has Consequences: While control-seeking behaviors helped initially, they fueled obsessive thinking and worsened long-term anxiety.
• My Support System is Vital: Leaning on my therapist, even virtually, and a few trusted non-emetophobic friends was essential for maintaining some semblance of sanity.